How quickly we forget. Spied walking into the ICC was Scottish Office Minister David Mundell, who was immediately offered a union jack flag by one of the myriad of people determined to press their wares on unsuspecting conference go-ers. Mundell, however, was having none of it and waved it away. One suspects he wouldn’t have done that a fortnight ago!
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Clearly the Mail on Sunday subs desk was on holiday last weekend, and had no one to cast their eye over the text of their George Osborne interview. This passage slipped through the net. “He showed no such inhibition in an extraordinary candid interview with this newspaper. During his extraordinary interview with the Mail on Sunday…”. Truly extraordinary. May one suggest Rojet’s Thesaurus?
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So a minister caught in the eye of the storm was replaced by an MP who had written a book called IN THE EYE OF THE STORM, and had originally been blackballed by the Prime Minister for publishing it during the week of the last reshuffle, something which cost him his first step on the ministerial ladder. I am of course talking about Reading East MP Rob Wilson, who was appointed Minister for Civil Society on Saturday night to replace Brooks Newmark. Wilson had originally been appointed Prisons Minister, but when Number Ten realised his book IN THE EYE OF THE STORM was about to be published they told him he had to choose between publishing the book or a job in government. Seeing as the book had already been sent to reviewers, he didn’t have much choice. Cameron promised that he would be first on the list if a Minister resigned, but when he saw two resignations pass with no phone call, he must have wondered if he was right to believe the PM’s pledge. But on Saturday he finally entered the government, two months after he should have done. I sent him a text which contained two words: “Justice prevails”.
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Bloody hell. £4.50 for a small egg mayonnaise roll in the ICC. And £8.65 if you add a bottle of Fanta and a Danish pastry. Daylight effin’ robbery. It turns out the ICC had put all their prices up especially for the visit of the rich Tories. Next week the prices go down again. And to think CCHQ has signed up for three conferences in this dire building.
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Bournemouth MP Conor Burns was browsing the Blackwells bookshop at the conference and spied a tome called “How to manage your slaves”. Looking up he remarked: “There’s one for the Prime Minister’s reading list”. He was clearly joking. Wasn’t he? Well wasn’t he?!
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Tuesday morning arrives and I receive a lovely email from Lord Feldman – he’s the co-chairman of the Conservative Party in case the fact had escaped your notice. It informed everything that was going on at the conference that day. Nicky Morgan is speaking. So is Theresa May, so is Jeremy Hunt. And I can join an exclusive session so he can reveal the party’s innermost general election plans. How exciting! But isn’t it strange how there is absolutely no mention of the fact that Boris Johnson is speaking that morning. Clearly nothing should be read into this. Nothing at all.
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At the end of the month my new book comes out. It’s called THE NHS: THINGS THAT NEED TO BE SAID. I was invited this week to make a speech at a conference organised by something called the Westminster Health Forum. According to its website it “aims to provide the premier environment for policymakers in Parliament, Whitehall and government agencies to engage with key stakeholders in timely discussion on public policy relating to health and healthcare.” Basically, it’s a private company seeking to make a profit. Nothing wrong with that, except that it pretends that is something else. Places at their conferences cost £210 pus VAT and they get sponsorship for their events too. Strangely, though, they think that speakers should put in hours of work preparing a speech, and then deliver it for free. They say they don’t pay speakers so they can retain their impartiality. That gave me a good laugh. Just as well media organisations don’t take that ridiculous stance, otherwise I’d be a pauper.
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Oh dear, the Bow Group decided to boycott the Conservative Party Conference. How it managed to survive without them, I just don’t know.
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Interviewing Lord Ashcroft is always a memorable experience. I particularly remember the time when he came on my evening show and I asked him a question he clearly didn’t want to answer so he asked me about my porn collection (how did he know?!). It’s rare that I am lost for words… On Tuesday it happened again. The good Lord came on my LBC Drivetime show to talk about his polling and the next election. All was going well until he used the word ‘bullshit’ not once but three times within about ten seconds. OK, it’s not ‘f***’ or ‘c***’ but at 5pm you can’t really get away with it in the way you could later in the evening. I found myself uttering words like ‘I think that’s enough of that, if you don’t mind’, as my producer saw his career disappearing in front of him. Still, no mention of the porn collection. Result!
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That’s nothing compared to what happened when Sir Christopher Meyer came on to talk about whether Brooks Newmark had been entrapped by the Sunday Mirror. He, of course, is a former chairman of the Press Complaints Commission. The interview was going well until the point when he described what had happened as a “cock and bull story”. I looked at him expecting to see a twinkle in his eye, but he clearly hadn’t realised what he had said. “So to speak…” was the only response I could think of. He then cottoned on and we both dissolved into fits of giggles for a few seconds. Live radio. You can’t beat it.
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I caught the obligatory conference cold while in Manchester at Labour and still haven’t shaken it off. But I imagine the joy and delight of travelling up to Glasgow to spend 48 hours with the LibDems next week ought to do it. You can imagine how much I and the whole political lobby are looking forward to the LibDem conference. The phrase ‘after the Lord Mayor’s show’ doesn’t quite cover it. Still, plenty of opportunity for mischief.
