JANUARY
Daily Express runs front page with no picture of Madeleine McCann......Boris Johnson apologises for comparing Golders Green to the streets of Gaza......In a speech which shakes the political world, new LibDem leader Nick Clegg declares: "I'm a Liberal".
FEBRUARY
Kevin Maguire defects to the Conservative Party......David Miliband denies rumours he is to star in Harry Potter 8.......Hillary Clinton quits Presidential race after Super Tuesday disaster and proclaims: "I back Osama 100%".
MARCH
LibDem Spring Conference marred by Nick Clegg being caught saying to Lady Elspeth: "It's not exactly helpful, is it?" after Sir Ming is caught buying back his classic Jaguar (petrol consumption 4mpg)......Tory blogger Iain Dale sacked from Tory A List for proudly declaring he had bought a new Audi which emitted 300g of carbon per kilometre......Alastair Darling mysteriously disappears on Budget Day. Gordon Brown delivers the speech instead.
APRIL
Guido becomes Director of the Smith Institute in a bid to scotch accusations of political partiality......Government apologies for mislaying discs containing records of 85,000 prisoners. Jacqui Smith says it just goes to prove the case for ID cards......Launching the LibDems local council election campaign, Nick Clegg shocks his candidates by proclaiming: "I'm a Liberal".
MAY
Boris apologies for beating Ken Livingstone and is overheard at victory party saying to a key aide: "Cripes, what now?"......Government withdraws amendment on 42 days and tables new amendment calling for 28 and a half days. Please......David Cameron makes the Tory position on an EU Referendum absolutely crystal clear when he says: "We are in favour of a referendum if the Treaty hasn't been ratified but even if it has we would still be in favour of it, whatever it is, oh yes we would, yes sirree. I couldn't be clearer than that."
JUNE
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith quits after clambering over the Despatch Box during Home Office Questions and slapping David Davis across the face, shrieking: "I used to work on the beauty counter in Debenhams, you know!" Having got rid of his third Home Secretary David Davis gets to keep the Home Office......In mini reshuffle David Cameron promotes Nadine Dorries to the Shadow Cabinet, telling friends it was the only way to get her to stop blogging. The next day Nadine blogs "How dishy Dave popped the question and why I blushed"...... LibDem leader Nick Clegg appoints David Blunkett as his adviser on Home Affairs. Announcing the appointment on Da Ali G Show, he declares: "Is it becoz I is a Liberal?"
JULY
ConservativeHome says "Cameron must do better", as Tories score 74% in YouGov poll. Lord Ashcroft widens his target seat campaign to include Bolsover, Rhondda and Bootle...... Home Secretary Liam Byrne says Early Release Scheme for murderers is the only way to free up enough prison places for really serious crimes...... David Cameron forced to cancel trip to Rwanda after his Witney constituency is affected by a plague of locusts. Andrew Mitchell is disconsolate.
AUGUST
Labour MP Tom Watson photographed delivering Christmas presents to the Miliband children...... Labour Whip Tom Watson resigns from government over "complete misunderstanding"...... Much bitterness at CCHQ as Steve Hilton and Andy Coulson resolve their differences in a Cage Fight.
SEPTEMBER
Professor Anthony King recovers from stroke after learning of the first Conservative By Election victory for twenty years......LibDem leader Nick Clegg takes his party conference by storm by telling his party faithful to "go back to your constituencies and tell them I'm a Liberal"...... The Labour conference gets off to a bad start when the Police beat up the Police Minister Tony McNulty in a case of "mistaken" identity. "That'll learn him," says Manchester Chief Constable Mike Todd.
OCTOBER
In a bid to top last year's speech, David Cameron speaks to the Tory Conferences with no clothes. "What you see is what you get," he tells the Tory faithful...... The Tories announce their Green manifesto and Simon Heffer self combusts, live on Richard & Judy...... On a state visit to the Ukraine, French President Nicolas Sarkozy enters key Ugandan discussions with Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko.
NOVEMBER
Cherie Blair's memoirs cause a storm after she reveals the fishy present she left for Gordon Brown in the Number Eleven curtains...... Mike Huckabee wins the US Presidential Election and declares: "I won it for Jesus". Jesus was unavailable for comment but is said to have wept...... LibDem Home Affairs Spokesman Chris Huhne arrested by House of Commons policeman for carrying a knife. Coincidentally he was standing behind LibDem leader Nick Clegg at the time.
DECEMBER
Electoral Commission forces LibDems to pay back the Michael Brown £2.4 million. Nick Clegg launches fundraising appeal across the nation with the slogan: "I'm a Liberal, dontcha know"...... In final PMQs of the year David Cameron shouts to Gordon Brown: "Why don't you just f*** off and let me have a go?" Brown replies: "I'll take no lectures from the Right Honourable Gentleman ... 1992 ... Black Wednesday ... blah ... economic stability ... blah ... prudence with a purpose ... blah ... 586 quarters of economic growth ... well, apart from the last two ... er ... I'll take no lectures from the Right Honourable Gentleman... ...... Iain Dale's debut appearance on ANY QUESTIONS gets off to an unfortunate start when Jonathan Dimbleby introduces him with the words: "And our fourth panelist is Britain's leading Conservative blogger, Tim Montgomerie."
