You can just imagine the scenario around the table in Portcullis House…
Andy Burnham: Right guys, Ed’s said we have to come up with an eye-catching policy to grab the headlines in the new year. Let’s have a brainstorm.
Researcher 1: Increase spending on the NHS by 10%?
Researcher 2: Reopen all the hospitals you closed when you were Health Secretary?
Researcher 3: Stop all that privatization you started when you were Health Secretary?
Andy Burnham: Not quite sure you’re all on the same page here. No, we need something which will get everyone talking around the breakfast table…
Researcher 1: I know, let’s make porridge mandatory at Breakfast. Far better for you than those simply ghastly cereal thingies.
Researcher 2: You may be on to something. Polly would love it if we banned Coco Pops. Lets face it, Owen Jones didn’t get his looks from eating Frosties, did he?
Andy Burnham: I like it, my eyelashes are twitching. Always a good sign.
Researcher 3: Shouldn’t we focus group it?
Andy Burnham: Nah, it’s just the sort of thing Ed will love. He likes to ban things. And Ed Balls will love it to. If it saves money on obesity he can spend it all three times over on a new jobs initiative!
Researcher 2: Bitch. What do you think your wife and kids would say about banning Cocopops?
Andy Burnham: Sorry, I don’t get your point. If Labour says it’s a good idea, it’s a good idea. They’ll understand. We know what’s good for them.
Well in case you have missed it, Labour’s health team have come up with two ideas today to make us all healthier. Andy Burnham wants to ban breakfast foods with high sugar content and Diane Abbott wants to ban fast food shops from opening close to schools. They really can’t help themselves, can they? But it’s not just Labour politicians who think they know what’s good for us. Tory health ministers are just as bad. It’s the Nanny State writ large and I hate it. Coco Pops and Frosties have been around for decades. If banning them really is the answer we have some very desperate politicians indeed.
