f you listen to the For the Many podcast, you'll know that one of my listeners, Oliver Turner, sends us some hilarious pieces on political drag names. When I knew I was speaking to the LGBT Tories Annnual Curry Night at the Birmingham Conference, I asked him for some help. Here's an abbreviated version of what I read out to the assembled throng at the brilliant Rajdeet Indian Restaurant...
...And on the subject of drag queens, we’ve got our own little beauty contest taking place here, in Birmingham, this week.
The highest profile of all is the no-nonsense, acid tongued, take-no-shit, Kemi Badknockers. And like all good gays, she’s already planning for 2030.
Also competing is a queen who’s been Home Secretary, Foreign Secretary, and, most notably of all, Minister without Portfolio. There’s nothing diminutive about Dame Heavily; she’s built like a bedazzled brick penthouse, and her stubble is more closely cropped than Conchita Wurst’s.
The bookies favourite has had something of a “glow up” recently. Roberta Menlick has been vigorously exercising, and will soon complete her journey from bear to otter (or is it fox?). She likes her lovers like she likes her immigration systems: no leaky entrances; quality not quantity; and a right to spit out unwanted arrivals.
Last but not least, we have Tami Tug-on-that. She’s recently ditched her contact lenses for power glasses. And although she’s at the rear of the pack, she knows her way around a trench. Her comments about MOD spending are positively x-rated. She wants it risen hard and fast, with a steady upward trajectory, and no more premature pull outs.