I don’t know about you but I find it incredibly frustrating that the old gay stereotypes still remain, and from what I can work out they probably always will. We’re all either incredibly camp, have lots of facial and stomach hair, and probably sleep with any other male that shows a vague interest. Oh, and we’re all incapable of being in a relationship without sleeping with other men, we have an unhealthy interest in Shirley Bassey, we all boogie away in nightclubs with our shirts off with white powder up our noses and spend our evenings engaging in orgies or feasting our eyes on gay porn.
Even today many people, who haven’t had the good fortune to get to know gay people, or gay couples, continue to believe that this the way we lead our lives. I wrote a couple of issues ago about the way we are portrayed on television and the media, and even though some of the sterotypes have disappeared, many unfortunately still remain.
The truth is that most of us live very ordinary lives and consider ourselves normal, law abiding members of society. We do the same things other people do. We live in perfectly ordinary houses without a sex dungeon (actually I did know someone who had one of those, but it ruins my thesis…), we drive the same cars, because believe it or not we don’t all like the open top Jeeps the bloke in Queer as Folk drove. With the notable exception of Attitude, we buy normal people’s magazines. For goodness sake, I even have subscriptions to STUFF, Four Four Two and GQ. How manly can you get?!
Society likes to box us into little homogenous groups and in a media driven age it suits a lot of agendas to pretend that somehow we are all the same. But we’re not. We’re individuals who each lead totally different lives with different tastes, habits and proclivities.
In many ways the internet age ought to have liberated us all from the stranglehold of stereotype, but in some ways the opposite has happened. Mainstream media narratives still dominate. Tories are still rich toffs. UKIP supporters are racist little Englanders. Liberal Democrats are basket weaving sandal wearers. Labour voters wear flat caps and own whippets. If a black man drives a BMW he has probably stolen it. Anyone wearing a hoodie is likely to mug you. Gay men will shag anything with a penis. You get the picture.
It is clear to me that one of the things which drives the promulgation of stereotypes is often fear of the unknown. Often it is a perfectly understandable fear. Animals fear what they don’t know, so why shouldn’t humans? Let me give you two examples. I took a call on my radio programme the other day during a discussion on street crime. An elderly white lady phoned in to tell me how she feared being mugged by the various groups of hooded kids on her estate. One day she was walking home and saw a group of them looking menacing on a street corner. She panicked and dropped a bag of shopping. Immediately one of the hoodies came over and instead of nicking the shopping, helped her put it back in her bag and even carried it home for her. She said she felt thoroughly ashamed for thinking the worst was about to happen. Another barrier broken down.
We bought a house in Norfolk recently. I suspect we’re the only gays in the village. I have to say that everyone has been incredibly friendly, but I had to laugh recently when one of the neighbours blurted out: “You’re both very normal, aren’t you?” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Normal for Norfolk, as the saying goes.
Virtually every gay couple I know I consider to be ‘normal’. OK, one or two may be slightly more exotic than others, but that’s the same in the world of straightery too. Perhaps we are too defensive about gay stereotypes and instead of fighting them, we shouldn’t give two hoots about them. Because in the end, we know who we are. We don’t need to be told by society.
This article first appeared in the July edition of Attitude Magazine
